


Wait for Me

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Gratsu [52]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Coma, Established Relationship, Fear, Friendship/Love, Guilt, Hallucinations, M/M, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2020-06-03 16:23:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19467673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: Natsu always managed to fill whatever space he was in with noise and warmth, maybe that was why their apartment felt so huge and empty without him. Or maybe, it was the fear that gripped Gray when he was alone.





	1. Chapter 1

It didn’t make sense, how the apartment that could barely fit the two of them – or the three of them when Happy stayed over too, could have become so cavernous over the last few weeks. And yet it seemed to Gray that every time he stepped through the front door, the rooms had become that little bit bigger, than little more hollow until it felt huge around him. Maybe it was because Natsu always managed to fill whatever space he was in with noise and warmth, or maybe it was because when Gray was here on his own the fear that he managed to keep at bay the rest of the time would coil around him. Wrapping him up in its chilly embrace, whispering in his ears, and slowly eating away at the hope that he stubbornly clung to whenever he was around the others.

Already he could feel it pressing in. A cold that his magic couldn’t protect him from. A chill that was all the worse for the fact that he knew that Natsu’s warmth could chase it away in a minute. _But he’s not here is he,_ the fear whispered at him as he moved to the sofa and collapsed onto it, burying his head in his hands. _He’s not here, and he might never come home again._ There was a denial on the tip of his tongue, but the words wouldn’t come. The hope he’d been clinging to flickering like a candle flame in the breeze and his shoulders shook, as sob bubbled up. He couldn’t counter the whispering fears, because they were part of him, fanned by another long morning spent at Natsu’s bedside, clinging to his partner’s hand and trying to pretend that it didn’t feel cold in his grip. Hours passing with no sign that the Dragon-slayer even knew that he was there trying to anchor him to this world, and no news to suggest that he was improving. Even Porlyusica’s reassurances that he was holding his own had seemed emptier than ever, a shadow in her eyes as she watched him talking to Natsu, trying to keep him up to date with the happenings of the guild.

Trying to pretend that things were continuing as normal.

They weren’t. The guild was still going about its business, but it had lost something, a spark. A warmth. _Natsu,_ his mind filled in. Because it was the Dragon-slayer, who breathed so much life into the guild just by being there. Without his presence, there were fewer fights and less general craziness, and with the Dragon-slayer in the infirmary, still hovering just on the wrong side of life, there was a pall in the air. A dread that no one was willing to give a name to, but that none of them could escape. A fear that only grew with each day that passed. They visited Natsu less often now, and when they did they were quiet or speaking in hushed voices when they said anything at all, and Gray wanted to hate them for it because it was as though they were a step closer to mourning their Dragon-slayer.

A step closer to giving up on Natsu.

_Perhaps you should give up,_ the fear whispered at him. _He wouldn’t want you to live like this._ Another truth. Gray knew that Natsu would be horrified if he could see him now. He hadn’t been on a job since the one that had landed Natsu in the coma, eking out what jewels they had saved, and occasionally picking up a shift at the bar or Yajima’s café to keep himself going. But it was more than that. He was slipping away from the others too. Spending all his time between Natsu’s bedside, what little work he did, and their achingly empty flat. He didn’t know what to say to the others, and he wasn’t ready to see them losing hope either, and so he avoided them, except Happy who spent even more time than he did at the Dragon-slayer’s bedside. Deep down, he knew that he was slipping. He barely ate. Barely slept, and when he did, it was filled with nightmares of Natsu dying.

He’d caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror that morning, something that he had been avoiding for a while now, and it had been like looking into the face of a stranger. It looked as though he had aged several years over the last few months, and the shadows under his eyes were dark enough that it looked like Natsu had punched him again, only Natsu wasn’t around to do that. His hair had grown too, shaggy and unkempt, and he’d half entertained the idea of trimming it before losing interest almost immediately. Because it didn’t matter how he looked, because the one person’s opinion he was interested in at the moment, wasn’t around to give it. _And might never be around again…_

“SHUT UP!” He hadn’t meant to say it aloud, let alone shout and he jolted violently at the sound of his own voice, which was far too loud in the silence of their apartment.

“You don’t need to shout, you know?”

Gray froze in alarm as another voice answer, breaking the silence around him, and for a moment he was utterly still, head still buried in his hands. He knew that voice, but it wasn’t possible, because the last time he’d heard it had been months ago as his partner had screamed his name before springing into the path of the attack that had been meant for him. _It’s not him. It can’t be him._ He had just come from the infirmary, leaving Natsu as still and silent as ever on the bed, with only the steady rise and fall of his chest indicating that he was still alive. “Gray? Aren’t you going to look at me?” The Ice Mage shuddered, a wheezing breath slipping between gritted teeth as the voice rang out again, a note of worry colouring the voice.

Maybe that was why he looked up because he had never liked to worry Natsu. It darkened his voice in a way that it shouldn’t. He’d expected to find nothing but empty rooms, filled with mementoes of their life together, but there leaning against the kitchen counter and peering across it him was Natsu, his usual grin replaced by a frown. Although it smoothed out a bit as he realised that Gray was looking at him. “There you are, you had me worried for a minute.”

“…Natsu?”

“Who else would it be?” Natsu demanded, waving a hand around at the walls covered with pictures of the two of them, and at where his favourite hoodie lay abandoned on the back of a chair from where Gray had been wearing it a few days ago. “This is my home too unless you’re planning on kicking me out?” That had been a common threat in the early days of their cohabitation, especially when they bickered about room temperatures and how warm to have the shower, but it had always been more teasing than anything. Now though there was a challenge in Natsu’s voice. A threat that had the hairs on Gray’s arms standing on end.

“Of course not,” he managed to force out through numb lips, staggering to his feet. “Sorry, you just caught me by surprise.” He didn’t know what was saying or doing, just that was something was very wrong.

And that he didn’t care.

Because the Natsu in front of him was full of life and colour, eyes bright as he relaxed at the Ice Mage’s words, lips curling up in a grin. He looked just as he had the morning of that fateful job, and there was an ache in Gray’s chest that had nothing to do with the fear that still gripped him tight, still whispering in his ear, although its words were lost at the moment as Natsu straightened. “You look awful, you know.” Blunt, and to the point, just like his mate. But there was a lack of concern there, a hollowness to the words that had Gray faltering for a moment before he shook it off. Natsu was here. Alive and well and that was all that mattered right now. There was another voice now, not the malicious whispering of his fears, but one that sounded remarkably like his partner, shouting at him to wake up. But that made no sense, because Natsu was right in front of him, so close now that he could almost touch him.

“I know,” Gray mumbled, closing out the other voices, and the doubts that stirred beneath the surface as he closed the last few steps between them. “I’ve missed you.” His heart ached as spoke, and then he was reaching out, seeking the warmth of Natsu’s embrace to chase the lingering chill away.

His hands closed on nothing.

He blinked, and for a moment, nothing changed. Natsu was still there, looking at him with that grin that looked a little too forced, but still so real and vibrant. He tried again, wondering if he had just misjudged the distance, knowing that he was tired enough for that to happen, but again there was nothing beneath his searching fingers. “Natsu…?” He didn’t understand. Or maybe he didn’t want to understand, because now the other voices were rising again, telling him that this wasn’t right. That this couldn’t be true.

His vision flickered for a moment, and it seemed to him that he was back in the infirmary, the image of Natsu lying still and silent on the bed replaying through his mind. Then he was back in their apartment, and the other Natsu was looking at him with sorrowful eyes. “Why couldn’t you have believed just a little while longer?” It wasn’t Natsu’s voice he heard this time though, but his own, coming from the Dragon-slayer’s mouth, and as realisation dawned, he broke, falling to his knees as violent sobs began to wrack him.

“Because you’re not h-him,” his voice cracked and broke as he forced the words out between heaving sobs, tears on his cheeks as the image of Natsu began to flicker and fade. The colour leached away first, until only a shadow of the Dragon-slayer remained standing over him, the image smiling, even as he still looked sad, as he reached out. And for a second it felt to Gray like something had brushed his cheek, fingers curling against his skin, before the image faded, leaving behind nothing but a whisper that seemed to linger in the air.

“Wait for me…Gray.” 


	2. Chapter 2

_“Wait for me…Gray.”_

* 

Gray had no memory of the mad dash to the guild, it could have taken seconds or hours to get there, everything was a haze around him apart from the terrible sense of urgency that had gripped him the moment that Natsu’s image had faded. _He’s okay, he’s still here._ It was the only thing he could think because anything else threatened to make him shatter. If he lost Natsu now, just after his faith had wavered…no. _NO! Natsu is fine._

He had to believe that he needed to believe that.

“Natsu!” He shouted as he burst into the guild, skidding to a halt as he realised that all eyes had turned towards him, flinching away from them as he saw the pity that had taken root. He was breathing heavily, and there was a, making itself known in his side now that he had stopped, but he ignored it, just as he ignored their worried, pitying looks, still focused on finding Natsu. “Natsu is he…?” He trailed off, unable to bring himself to finish the question, not sure that he was ready for the answer, especially if… the world was narrowing down until all he could see was that fading image of Natsu.

_Wait for me, Gray…_

“Gray?” It was Erza who broke ranks first, moving towards him with her hands spread wide as though to show that she wasn’t a threat, and Gray was torn between laughter and being offended. Did she really think he was that far gone? Or that he feared what she could do to him now? Maybe, his feelings showed on his face, because her’s cycled through worry and pity, and then settled on concerned confusion as she stopped a short distance on. “What’s going on?”

“Natsu…Natsu, is he still here?” Gray forced himself to finish the question, pushing the words out through gritted lips, not sure that he wanted the answer, but realising somewhere deep down that he needed to give her something. There was no way he was going to tell about what he had seen, still not sure if it was an illusion, a ghost, a delusion summoned up by his exhausted desperation, and if he was honest, he didn’t want to know. “I…”

“As far as I know.” There it was, the weariness, the dismay… the fact that she had given up. In the early days, she would have known and been able to answer him in a heartbeat. _Wait for me Gray._ Gray recoiled then, pulling away from her, as though her slow surrender would undermine his own wavering faith, something that he couldn’t afford right now. _I’m waiting for you, Natsu. I…_ “Gray, what is...?”

“Gray?” Another voice cut across her worried question, and they both turned to find a harried-looking Porlyusica staring down at them from the top of their stairs. “We need you…” Gray couldn’t breathe for a moment, a deep hole opening up in the pit of his stomach, and when he finally managed to get his feet moving, it felt as though he was drifting through a dream.

_Natsu…_

*

The infirmary was quiet, and to Gray, it felt as though the room was holding its breath. Or maybe it was the world. Or perhaps it was just him, as he wasn’t sure that he had taken a breath since Porlyusica had first called for him, although he must’ve because the world wasn’t dimming. It had narrowed, every part of him focused on the figure on the bed. But it was too bright, too vivid, too real. _I could have lost him._ It wasn’t a new thought, but it had been a little while since Natsu had given them such a scare, and if he was honest, Gray had thought that he was gone when Porlyusica had called to him. Had thought that he was going to walk up those stairs to find that this partner had slipped away like the image had faded in their apartment. It wasn’t as reassuring as he wanted it to be to see the slow, unsteady rise and fall of his mate’s chest. Perhaps because he could see how close it had been - the covers around the Dragon-slayer were messy and bunched up from where they had been wrenched out of the way, and Gray could feel the residual magic in the air, the lingering evidence of Porlyusica’s efforts to stop Natsu from slipping away from them. And it was there in Happy’s expression, the little Exceed unmoving and silent as he curled against Natsu’s leg, a paw buried in the folds of the Dragon-slayer’s clothes.

“We managed to get him back this time,” Porlyusica was saying, and Gray tried to focus on her words he really did, but all he could do was stare at Natsu. The Dragon-slayer looked as though he could be a ghost as he lay on the bed, leached of all the colour and spark that made him Natsu. Hell, even the version of Natsu that his mind had managed to conjure had been more like the man he loved than this empty shell, and he could feel the doubts rising again. The fear that maybe it was too late. _Wait for me, Gray!_ The plea rang through his mind again, and Gray swallowed, hands clenched against his side. “But, Gray…” _I’m waiting for you Natsu. I will always wait for you,_ he vowed fiercely, hoping that Natsu would believe it far more than he did at that moment. “Gray.” Porlyusica reached for him now, grasping his shoulder and shaking him lightly.

“What?!” Gray snarled, yanking himself free as he turned towards the threat, only to come up short as he found the healer blinking at him before her eyebrows arched. Sheepish, he took a step back, avoiding her touch. “Sorry…what were you saying?” He didn’t want to apologise, didn’t want to hear the words that he could see building in the shadowed eyes, but he couldn’t afford to alienate one of the few people still fighting to keep Natsu with him.

“If he slips again, I can’t promise that we’ll be able to bring him back,” Porlyusica seemed to accept his apology, voice soft as she continued, and she hesitated for a moment before adding quietly. “Natsu is strong but…”

“He’s coming back.”

“Gray…”

“He’s coming back!” Gray cut across her, and the air around him turned brittle and cold, ice seeping across the floor and stopping just short of Porlyusica. “He’s coming back,” he repeated, voice softer this time as he turned away from her and moved to take the seat beside Natsu, reaching out to grasp the Dragon-slayer’s hand, twining their fingers together as he used his other hand to smooth out the crumpled covers.

 _I’m waiting for you._  
  
*

Some part of him had known that the others weren’t going to ignore his panicked arrival, and he knew that Porlyusica who had slipped away soon after he’d settled next to Natsu. Happy had dozed off a while ago, still holding onto Natsu and Gray took comfort from the fact that there was at least still one other person holding on to the belief that Natsu was going to come back. However, it didn’t stop him from bristling defensively when he heard the door open a little while later, although he didn’t turn around, quickly recognising the steady footfalls. He kept his gaze locked on Natsu, continually searching for some sign that the Dragon-slayer was still in there, fingers tightening around the hand clutched in his. Still, he listened as she approached, lips thinning when she faltered for a moment, no doubt when she got her first good look at Natsu. Even he couldn’t deny that Natsu looked terrible, that he looked as though he could slip away between one breath and the next, but he couldn’t linger on that, couldn’t waver or doubt even for a second. Because the timing of Natsu’s slip and his vision, delusion…whatever you wanted to call it was too close, too much to have been a coincidence.

 _I’m sorry Natsu, I won’t waver again…I’ll wait._  
  
“Gray,” Erza moved closer, circling around to the other side of the bed, apparently realising that he wouldn’t take too kindly to her coming between him and Natsu at the moment. There was a waver to her voice that hadn’t been there downstairs, and he wondered if that was because Porlyusica had filled them in on the near-miss, or because she had seen Natsu with her own eyes for the first time in days. He didn’t particularly care, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at her – to see the pity, the worry, the fear that he was slipping too. “Gray, can you look at me?” Apparently, she hadn’t got the message, or more likely she was choosing and he sighed before tearing his gaze away from Natsu long enough to look at her, noting that she had at least masked the pity for the time being.

“What do you want Erza?”

“We’re worried about you,” Erza said, settling in the other chair that had been left beside the bed. A hope that other people would come and sit with Natsu as they had at the start, Gray stared at her for a long moment, noticing how she struggled not to look at Natsu. _Wait for me, Gray._ Deliberately meeting her gaze for a moment, he shifted his attention back to Natsu and she followed, and he heard her swallow and then sigh. “We’re worried about both of you, but Gray… Natsu wouldn’t want you to destroy yourself like this.”

“Don’t…”

“How do you think he would feel if he woke up to find you like this?”

_If._ If not when. He had known that they were losing hope, had even understood it in a way even if he couldn’t do the same because this was Natsu. _His Natsu._ Yet, at that moment she – and the others who had also started to waver in their faith – had never felt so far away, and Gray felt some of the numbness that had settled over him without him realising when Porlyusica had called to him, splintering as a bright spark of anger rose in his chest. _If?_ He wanted to ask so many questions. Why did you give up? When did you lose hope? But, he couldn’t put them into words, at least not without the anger rising in his chest bursting out. “That he would do the same…” The words are stilted and brittle, the lie in them evident to both of them, as even Gray knows that Natsu would be furious with him – could imagine the fire in his eyes, and the punch that would undoubtedly follow. It’s better than the anger though, at least until Erza sighs, her gaze turning from Natsu to the sleeping Exceed and then back to Gray.

“And what are you going to do if he doesn’t wake up? Are you going to keep being like this? Fade away? Throw away the life and the memories you had with him?” It’s obvious that the words have been building for a little while because they’re bursting out of her in a way that he has never seen before. For a moment, his anger dims, and he can see the concern and fear behind the words, realising that she is terrified not only of losing a friend…but losing two.

“I don’t know,” he admits, and he doesn’t. The thought of that happening, of facing a life without Natsu is inconceivable even now after this near miss. He shivers, remembering how he had broken when the image of Natsu had faded away. That had been an illusion, a ghost…and it had shattered him. What would losing the real Natsu do to him? He didn’t want to know the answer, and as far as he was concern it wouldn’t matter anyway, because if Natsu… “Natsu is going to come back though, so I don’t need to worry about it.” _I believe in you Natsu, I’m waiting…_

“Gray…” Erza was shaking her head, hands clenching and unclenching and this time she looked at Natsu for a long moment, drinking in the sight of him. The changes. “Have you heard what Porlyusica was saying? Have you really listened to her? Because…”

“Get out,” Gray growled, cutting across, the anger becoming a raging fire in his chest. He knows what she is trying to say. He’s listened and heard the words. The warnings. The quiet plea to prepare himself for the worst. He knows all that, but it doesn’t matter because this is Natsu, and the Dragon-slayer always beats the odds. Always comes home to him. He’s distantly aware of Happy rousing, immediately aware of the tension in the air, and glancing between them. “I stopped believing in him once, and I nearly lost him.” He can see the question in her eyes, realises that she doesn’t understand, but he’s not in the mood to explain right now. “So, no, I won’t give up on him. I won’t be like you and the others.” He’s spitting the words at her, lashing out in anger and fear, and feeling a spark of not quite pleasure when she flinches with each word.

“Gray… Natsu wouldn’t…”

“I said get out,” Gray doesn’t remember standing up, but he’s on his feet now, Natsu’s hand still in his as he glares at her. Erza hesitated, before matching him, but she makes no effort to leave, instead squaring her shoulders as though readying for a fight, and when she opened her mouth again, Gray snapped. “Get out! GET OUT!” His magic is as close to the surface as his temper, lips drawn back in a snarl as the ice forms and spreads, forcing Erza away from the bed as a rampart of icicles barely higher than the bed, encircle him and Natsu. “Get out.”

“Erza…” It’s Happy that stops it from escalating, taking the air just as the red-head reached for her sword and flying to her. His voice is barely an echo of itself, and they can both hear the grief in his voice, the tears waiting to fall. Gray reining in the ice, although he leaves the icicles, not wholly trusting her to give up, even as Erza reaches out to catch the Exceed drawing him into a hug. “We can’t give up on, N-Natsu,” his voice cracks and breaks, eyes huge as he glances back at the Dragon-slayer and then up at Gray. “Please…” He’s not asking her to believe, he’s asking her to let them believe, to let them take their own path.

It’s tense for another moment or two, and then Erza sighed and stepped back, still holding Happy. “I don’t agree with what you’re doing,” she admits, meeting Gray’s angry gaze. “And I can’t say I fully understand, but we will be here Gray when…when you need us.” The hesitation, the careful shifting of her words doesn’t escape his notice, and it softens his anger as she leaves. Happy quietly promising to be back in a little while as he goes with her.

*

It was only when the door closed behind them that Gray realised he was trembling violently, his legs shaking so badly that it’s a miracle he’s still upright, and just like that he slumps, the anger and everything draining out of him as he sinks back into the chair. The ice dissipating with a half-thought, and through it, all Natsu is still and silent, only the rise and fall of his chest to say that he is still with them.

“Well, that was dramatic…” The familiar voice is like salt in a wound this time, and yet Gray is helpless to stop himself from jerking his head up, eyes widening as he takes in the bright, vibrant image of Natsu sat on the edge of the bed, legs swinging and a broad grin on his face.


End file.
